


Crash My Bandicoot

by KyloTrashForever



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: 90's Music, Alternate Universe - 1990s, Alternate Universe - High School, Awkward Boners, Awkward First Times, Childhood Friends, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Coming In Pants, Crash Bandicoot Innuendo, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Virginity, Mutual Pining, Neighbors, Oral Sex, PlayStation Play, Secret Crush, Sharing a Bed, They’re Eighteen, Vaginal Sex, Virgin Ben Solo, Virgin Rey (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-23 04:20:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17676353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyloTrashForever/pseuds/KyloTrashForever
Summary: Ben has lived next door to Rey for ten years now, and he’s been in love with her for most of them. A Christmas break with no one but themselves for company leaves a lot of time for Crash Bandicoot sessions... among other things.





	1. I’ll Crash Your Bandicoot

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ohwise1ne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohwise1ne/gifts).



> For the only bandicoot I want to crash. 💕

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>   
>  In which a terrible autocorrect becomes a euphemism for pussy which become an ongoing joke which becomes a labor of love. ❤️

* * *

 

Ben jumps from a knock at his window. He turns from what he’s doing, seeing Rey on his ledge motioning him to hurry up. He moves across his bedroom to pry open his window, allowing her to duck inside as she shivers.

“It’s fucking freezing outside,” she chatters.

“Well you _did_ just walk out into the snow.”

She rolls her eyes. “Your window is literally right next to mine. It’s not like it’s a long walk.”

“I’m just saying a coat wouldn’t hurt. You’re going to get sick.”

“Okay, _mom.”_

Now he’s rolling _his_ eyes. “Whatever. Catch pneumonia.”

“You’re awfully grumpy on this fine Christmas Eve.”

“Worrying about you is not the same thing as grumpy.”

She smiles at him— just a normal smile that he’s seen almost every day since he was eight— but it does funny things to his insides now. He feels the tips of his ears heat beneath his hair, and he’s thankful Rey convinced him to grow it out last summer.

“How was family dinner?”

Ben shrugs. “It was Han and Leia. They’ll both be gone tomorrow, so we went ahead and opened presents.”

“They’ll be gone on Christmas?”

Ben nods. “Until after New Years. Some work retreat. Ringing in 1998 with all the right people.”

Rey frowns. “That’s kind of shitty to leave you alone.”

He waves her off. “I’m eighteen, not ten. Don’t most eighteen year olds want to spend their winter breaks without their parents?”

“Ben.”

“Don’t worry about it, Rey. You’ll be here… right?” He doesn’t mean it to come out so needy, but that’s just how it sounds. It’s out there now. No taking it back now.

She just smiles again. “Yeah. Not like there’s anything good going on at my house.”

“Is it still bad?”

“Not really any worse, but not any better either.”

“You should report him. He’s a drunk.”

Rey sighs, flopping to her back on Ben’s bed and staring up at the ceiling. “If I call social services, they’ll move me to another foster family. We only have a few months to graduate. Besides… who will come knock on your window then?”

His ears are hot again, so he just nods. “Want to see what I got?”

“Why do you think I’m here? To see you?”

She’s smiling again, and he knows she’s teasing him. He grins back at her, stamping down the fluttering in his chest and turning back to his television.

Rey moved in with Unkar Plutt over ten years ago— over the summer of 1987. He remembers that day clearly. He was sitting on his porch, reading the newest Koontz book he’d swiped from his dad’s bookshelf. She pulled up in a very sleek-looking car, stepping out with a woman who was dressed in a fancy skirt and jacket, looking very official.

Rey clung to a very old teddy bear, one that he was pretty sure was missing an eye, and she looked scared. So scared. The woman spoke with Unkar on the porch, and the two of them went inside together. Rey lingered, that same terrified expression on her face as she stared up at the house.

She turned then to notice him, and he waved at her shyly. She returned it, still looking slightly dazed. She eyed his book in his hands, squinting as she tried to make out the cover from the few feet that separated them.

“What are you reading?”

Her voice was soft and pretty. He’d never thought a voice was pretty before, but hers was. “ _Watchers.”_

Rey wrinkled her nose. “What’s that about?”

“A dog… and a monster.”

“That sounds weird.”

“It _is_ weird, but I like it.”

She hesitated a moment, shuffling her foot against the sidewalk. “I like monsters.”

Ben had never really sought out someone’s company before, he mostly just kept to himself. Still, this girl looked lonely, and he knew what that felt like. He scooted over on the porch step where he’d been sitting, gesturing to it with his chin.

“Do you wanna maybe sit with me? I could tell you about it.”

Her smile was slow, just a curling of the corners of her lips that turned up high until they split— revealing white teeth that Ben noticed were much straighter than his. He really liked her smile. It was pretty. Like her voice.

She took slow steps towards him, finally plopping down on the steps  and still giving him that wide smile. “I’m Rey.”

He grinned back at her. “I’m Ben.”

Back in the present, Ben smiles softly to himself. That had been over ten years ago. They’ve been inseparable ever since. It would be years after meeting her that he would discover her parents had left her at a hospital when she was only a baby, or that Plutt had a penchant for drinking, or that sometimes she cried at night— but eight year olds didn’t ask the important questions.

_Ten years._

He’s loved her for most of them. Maybe all of them. It is hard to verify this, seeing as the first five or so were muddled with the _girls are icky_ mantra that seemed to settle for all prepubescent boys. He can remember though the moment he knew for certain.

It wasn’t even a special day.

A lot of the movies Rey has dragged him to over the more recent years depict the moment when a man falls in love with a woman as something grand. Some spectacular moment of happenstance that is painted in the skies or written in the earth.

Not for Ben.

It had been a Tuesday. Just a normal, average, Tuesday. He’d been right here, in his own room, with Rey exactly where she now lay, draped over his bed. They’d been fourteen years old. He remembers whining that Snap Wexley had made fun of his ears. He’d always hated his ears.

He’d been on a rant about all the shortcomings that _Snap_ seemed to not take notice of, when Rey had put her hand on his knee.

It was not special. It was barely even touching— but her fingers lay resting against his knobby knee (he’d still been growing into this massive frame of his), and her thumb had brushed against it reassuringly.

“ _I like your ears,”_ she’d said.

That was it.

That was the whole moment.

He’s been gone ever since.

“You going to show me what you got, Solo? Or just keep staring at those wires?”

Her voice cuts through his reverie. He quickly resumes setting it up, turning proudly when he’s finished. “Ta-da.”

“No _way,”_ she squeals. “They got you a PlayStation?”

“Yeah. I guess they thought it would keep me busy while they’re gone.”

Rey scoffs, scrambling off the bed. “If I let you have a turn.”

She pushes him out of the way, and he grunts. “ _Hey._ There’s two controllers.”

“What games did they get you?”

He picks up the pile, sorting through it as he reads them off. “ _Final Fantasy VII_.”

She wrinkles her nose. “Next.”

“Don’t be a snob, this is supposed to be a great—”

She blows a raspberry. “Next.”

He rolls his eyes, picking up the next game. “ _Castlevania: Symphony of the—”_

 _“_ Next.”

“ _Bushido Blade?”_

“Oh my God, did they get you anything that isn’t a big nerd fest?”

He narrows his eyes, shooting her a glare as he picks up the last game. “ _Crash Bandicoot?”_

Her face lights up. “Yes! I played this one at Rose’s house last year when it came out.”

Ben has never even heard of this game. He’s certain his parents just threw it in to make it an even number. “What the fuck is a bandicoot anyway?”

“It’s kind of a rat? Sort of,” she offers.

“So what’s the point of the game?”

“So, Crash is just a happy little bandicoot and this evil doctor does experiments on him to make him smart and strong to lead his army but Crash escapes. The doctor was going to use his lady instead and Crash had to rescue her.”

“A rat. With a girlfriend.”

“Okay, I’m sorry it isn’t vampires and giant swords—”

“So you _have_ played _Final Fantasy._ ”

She rolls her eyes again. “My point is,” she points down to the weird game. “This is fun. Can we play? Please?”

As if he can say no to anything she’s asking when she looks at him like that. “Fine.”

He pops in the disc, sitting on the floor in front of the television as Rey settles beside him. The opening sequence for the PlayStation sounds on the screen, some loud chime with a logo animation.

“That’s really cool,” he remarks.

“Nerd.”

He frowns, huffing. When the menu for the game comes up, he notices it’s only one player. “Huh. I guess they didn’t get me any multiplayer games. I’ll have to pick one up.”

“That’s okay,” she practically sing-songs. “I’ll just have to take the first turn. Since I’m the experienced one.”

“Uh-huh. Of course.”

She grins at his expression, plucking the Player One controller from his hands and starting up the game. He has to admit it _is_ a pretty fun game— even to watch. By the time they’ve swapped turns multiple times hours later, he notices Rey yawning and rubbing her eyes. “Sleepy?”

 

She nods. “Yeah. Plutt should be passed out by now. I can probably sneak back over without him throwing a hissy fit.”

“If he’s awake, just come back. Don’t start anything with him.”

She waves him off, moving to stand. “Don’t worry about me. I know how to handle him.”

 _You shouldn’t have to,_ he doesn’t say. She knows this already. They both do.

“Want to come back over in the morning and play some more?” he asks instead.

“Duh. I’ll be over as soon as I wake up and you can make me breakfast.”

“Sounds about right.”

She grins cheekily as she moves to the window, sliding it up and straddling the ledge. She glances at the clock before she leaves, noticing the time. “Oh hey, look at that. Merry Christmas, Ben.”

He represses the urge to sigh, wishing he could pull her back inside and let her fall asleep in his bed instead of going back out in the cold only to stumble into a dark house that offers her nothing. But he doesn’t. Because he can’t.

“Merry Christmas, Rey,” he murmurs instead.

She’s gone then, darting across the snow, and he watches as she ducks inside her bedroom, closing the window quickly behind her. She gives him a little wave before she disappears from view, and he moves away from his own window to fall to his bed. He turns off the lamp, lying in the dark and staring up at the ceiling absently.

Maybe he can just tell her. They’re adults now. Sort of. She won’t be weird about it. If she doesn’t feel the same, or if she isn't interested, Ben can just laugh it off and everything would go back to the way it was.

Theoretically.

Or— she could get weirded out and everything would change between them and he would ruin every bit of the best thing that’s ever happened to him. Maybe just a piece of her is enough. He sighs, sliding under his comforter and letting his eyes close.

He’ll worry about this tomorrow.

* * *

He’s having a good dream. One of those, sort-of-awake-but-not-really dreams. Just lucid enough that he can sort of alter the flow of it. He’s running through a ravine— running as fast as his legs can carry him while simultaneously trying to scoop up apples along the way. He can see Rey at the end, perched on a ledge in a tight, red t-shirt and the shortest shorts he’s ever seen.

She’s waving him over, signaling for him to meet her, but he can’t seem to reach her. Probably all of these fucking apples. He has to carry them in his arms as he runs, and every time he drops one he has to stop to pick it up. She’s waving at him frantically, her long legs bare under those _tiny fucking shorts._ He’s so _close—_ if he could just make it a little further…

“Ben.”

He feels a shake of his shoulder, but in his mind it’s a rockslide. Boulders fall around him, and he drops half a dozen apples in his attempt to evade them.

 _“Ben._ Wake up. Let’s play some more Crash Bandicoot.”

That sounds really close. He thinks he murmurs a response. “I’ll crash _your_ bandicoot.”

A strange laugh. “What?”

Wait a second.

He opens his eyes. He’s not in a ravine, he’s in his bedroom. Rey isn’t on a ledge somewhere, she’s on his _bed._ Perched on the edge and shaking him awake. He sits up drowsily, rubbing at his eyes. The comforter slips away from him as he swings his legs over the side, and he sees Rey’s eyes widen out of the one eye he isn’t currently rubbing. Her face flushes, and she looks away quickly to stare at a wall.

_What is her problem?_

Then he feels it.

Hard and straining against his shorts, his dick is _a lot_ more awake than he is. _Fuck._ He scrambles to grab at the comforter, covering himself quickly as he feels every part of his face and neck flame, creeping up his ears and he knows they’re red too.

Rey is staring at the wall hard enough to burn a hole in it, her skin as heated in a blush as his feels and an awkward silence hangs between them.

“I’m sorry— it’s early— and I— I’m _sorry.”_ He’s mortified, having somehow avoided this particular awkward scenario for ten goddamn years and would have been perfectly content to have never stumbled into it with her. Or at least under these circumstances. He could think of a few other instances in which this might be desirable.

“It’s fine,” she mutters. “It happens, right?”

“Y-yeah,” he sputters breathlessly. His voice is a little tight, he’s still _very_ hard after all. “I’m just going to… go to the bathroom. Can you… not look?”

She nods thickly, still staring a hole in the wall as he shoots up as fast as his legs will carry him, darting into his en-suite bathroom and shutting the door quickly behind him. He leans against the door, suppressing the urge to groan and pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes.

_Fuck._

He thinks of every non-sexy thing he can think of— willing this demon-boner down even as it clings to life. Stupid fucking _shorts._ He can still picture her in them, and it is doing nothing for his situation.

When he is finally returned to normal, he quickly brushes his teeth, taking a deep breath as he steels himself to face her again.

 _It’s fine,_ he tells himself. She’s eighteen years old. Surely she’s seen a boner by now. Only, that thought makes him grimace. He doesn’t like thinking of Rey looking at boners. Especially not ones that aren’t his. Not that he wants her to look at _his_ boner— okay, except he does, but _still._

He lets out a sigh, putting his hand on the doorknob to exit the bathroom. He is struck with a thought just as he moves to leave, the realization of how she’d reacted hitting him all at once. How much she’d been affected. How much she’d _blushed._ Had it been from embarrassment? Or… something else?

He swallows nervously, the idea of facing her now more nerve-wracking than before. He knows the longer he stays in here the more awkward things will be, and that it’s best to just rip off the bandaid.

 _It will be fine,_ he assures himself. _This is Rey we’re talking about._

Only that’s the problem isn’t it? This is _Rey_ we’re talking about.

_Here’s goes nothing._


	2. I Only Want Your Wumpa Fruit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to [ReyloRobyn2011](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReyloRobyn2011/pseuds/ReyloRobyn2011) for all her NC information! 🥰

He is pretty sure he could cook this bacon just from the way he’s staring at it. She’d already been down in the kitchen when he left the bathroom, and he was both relieved and disappointed. He had almost _wanted_ to see more of her reaction, but by the time he’d made it down to the kitchen to join her she’d seemed to return to normal.

She sits at the counter behind him, fiddling with the radio, and he hears her squeal when she settles on a song she likes. He cringes, shooting her a look over his shoulder.

“It’s too early for this.”

She sticks her tongue out at him, turning up the volume as _Spice Up Your Life_ pours through the speaker. He rolls his eyes, but as he turns back to the skillet he finds himself distracted by the image of her tongue poking out against her lips.

He is so _hyper aware_ now— the awkward moment that is still so fresh hanging between them. At least… it is for him. Maybe she’s already forgotten all about it. He supposes if she doesn’t see him in the way he sees her… well, then why would she be bothered?

He’s never been so depressed about morning wood before.

He turns to look at her again over his shoulder. “Do you want pancakes?”

She scrunches up her face as if to express that this is a ridiculous question, and this time as he turns back to the food, he’s smiling.

He finishes their breakfast a short time later, sliding a plate over to her and watching her eyes light up. Over pancakes. Pancakes that probably aren’t even that great because he made them.

God, he loves her.

She hums around her fork, her feet swinging against the bar from the stool she’s perched on. Her hair is thrown haphazardly into a thick, purple scrunchie, denim overalls that are a size too big, and a Nirvana t-shirt he’s pretty sure she stole from him.

It amazes him how perfect he finds her, just like this.

“Have you gotten your test results back for the ACT yet?” he asks to break the silence.

She shakes her head. “Not yet.”

Ben frowns. “How do you think you did?”

“I don’t know… the math part really kicked my ass.”

“I’m sure you did fine… you’ll need to start sending out applications soon.”

She sighs. “What’s the point? We both know CPCC is in my future.”

“You don’t know that,” he huffs. He hates to think of her having to go to Piedmont. There’s no housing at the community college, and the thought of her having to live with Plutt for another year kills him. “If you don’t make the qualifying score this go-round, I’ll make sure you do in the next one.”

“You’re not a miracle worker,” she laughs.

“No, but I _am_ a nerd.”

She grins at him around her fork, shaking her head as she takes another bite. She lets out an annoyed sound after she swallows, puffing a blast of air between her lips. “I am _so_ not ready to go back to school. Rose will be up in arms for the prom planning committee and you just _know_ she’s going to make me help.”

“I thought you liked prom?”

She wrinkles her nose. “Not really.”

“You seemed really excited last year.” He tries to keep the edge out of his tone, but it is difficult. He’d hated prom last year. For one reason in particular. “I mean you had a date and everything. You even dated the guy after that.”

“Please.” She waves him off. “That lasted all of three minutes. I hadn’t even really wanted to go with him in the first place.”

“Then why did you?”

She frowns, looking down at her plate and taking a large bite. She chews slowly, swallowing it before finally answering. “He was the only one who asked me.”

Ben feels his heart flop in his chest. Does she mean…? Surely she wasn’t waiting on him to— _surely_ not. “Oh,” is all he says. He doesn’t know what else to say, really.

“Yeah.”

The silence stretches between them, and Ben isn’t sure how to break it. His mind whirrs with the memory of things he’s said and hasn’t said— and he wonders if perhaps there is a possibility that he’s not the only one who’s been waiting.

Have there been signs? Has she given him signals? How would he even _know_ if she had?

Again her blush creeps into his mind. He thinks of the way she couldn’t look at him— the way her cheeks had tinted pink and her eyes had trained on his bedroom wall as if she were doing everything she could to _not_ think about him and his morning wood from hell.

Girls are so hard. Why can’t they just spell it out? Just say, _I like you and your stupid boner._ It isn’t that fucking difficult. Then again, Ben has done nothing of the sort either, and to be fair there are _plenty_ of damning things he could comment on about Rey that would make his feelings known.

Sometimes in the summer she comes over to swim and _Christ—_ the image of her in tight nylon literally haunts his dreams sometimes. He doubts very much that he can just tell her he likes her and her tight swimsuit though— maybe this is why girls don’t come out and say it come to think of it. He hasn’t even said a word and he’s nauseous.

The clattering of her fork against her plate rouses him from his stupor. She’s leaning back in her chair, rubbing her stomach through her overalls. “That was really good.”

“I don’t know if you’re a good judge of my culinary skills,” Ben laughs. “You’ll eat anything.”

“Hey. That’s not true. I won’t eat brussel sprouts.”

“I bet you would if I put cheese on them.” She opens her mouth, shutting it quickly as she considers this. Ben shakes his head, moving to stand and grabbing her plate to clear it. “Exactly.”

“Okay, but cheese makes _everything_ better.”

He sets their plates in the sink, rinsing them and deciding to wash them later. “Sure it does.”

“Whatever, Solo. Are you ready for me to dominate at Crash again?”

“We _could_ try _Bushido Blade_ …”

Rey just shoots him a look and he raises his hands in defeat. “All right, all right. Weird rat and apples it is.”

“They’re _wumpa fruit,”_ she corrects with a huff.

“Either way, I miss them every damn time.”

“You should practice more,” she muses. “You need all wumpa fruit you can get.”

 _I only want_ your _wumpa fruit._

Ben cringes as Rey stalks off to his bedroom. Even in his head he doesn’t have any game. It’s going to be a long day.

* * *

 “Oh my God, _how_ do you keep missing that jump?”

“ _I don’t know_ ,” Ben grits through his teeth. “I’m hitting the button just when I get to the edge and the little fucker just falls.”

Ben tosses the controller to the floor in a huff, and Rey laughs at his antics. “Hey, don’t take it out on the controller.”

He is still grumbling when she puts her hand on his knee, and the action momentarily jars him, as it always does when she touches him unexpectedly. She smiles at him, nodding her head towards the chair that sits in the corner of his room where a small package sits.

“How about we take a break and open presents instead?”

“What did you get me?”

Her eyes crinkle at the corners. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

He swallows heavily. If she only knew how much he’d like to do just that. He nods instead, pushing off the floor to stand as he makes his way to his bookshelf. He plucks the envelope there, adorned with a little red bow, and he turns to hand it over in offering.

She casts a confused look down at it, looking back up at him with a raised eyebrow. “Tell me you didn’t give me _free hug_ coupons or something.”

Ben rolls his eyes. “Just open it, you brat.”

She tears open the lip of the envelope, plucking the two strips of cardstock out from inside. Her mouth falls open in shock as she reads the front, gaping up at Ben. “You didn’t.”

He nods sheepishly. “I know you like them, and well, you don’t have to take _me—_ you could take Rose, or—”

Her arms are wound around his neck before he can finish, clinging to him tightly as she pulls him close. “Of _course_ you’re coming with me.”

She pulls away, smiling up at him happily and he grins back at her. “Really?”

“Are you _kidding_ me? Ben Solo? At the _Girl Power Tour of ‘98?_ That’s something I _have_ to see before I die.”

He laughs. “Doesn’t mean I’ll be a fan after.”

She blows out a puff of air between her lips. “I’ll make you a Spice Girls fan yet.”

“I’m glad you’re happy.”

She shakes her head, still grinning. “I’m always happy when I’m with you.”

Ben sucks in a breath. He’s reading too much into what she’s just said— he can recognize as much even as it's happening. Still, it doesn’t stop him from doing so. Would it be awkward if he told her he’s always happy with her too? Is that the standard protocol here? Or does that go without saying?

It doesn’t matter— she’s already moving away to grab for the wrapped gift in his chair. She turns to hand it over to him, looking nervous. “Now I feel bad. This isn’t anything _near_ what you got me…”

He takes it quickly. “I’m sure I’m going to love it.”

She bites her lip, and he sets about tearing open the paper. A hardback lies underneath— a shiny new copy of _Watchers_ greeting him. “Hey, it’s my favorite. Thank you.”

She shakes her head, nodding her head to the book. “Open it.”

His brow knits in confusion, but he obeys to crack open the book to the title page. His mouth falls open at the sight of the sprawled signature there, a neat _Dean Koontz_ inked right below the title.

“How did you…?”

Rey shrugs. “He had a signing over the summer in Charlotte. I took a bus.”

“I can’t believe you did this.”

“It’s nothing much…”

“It’s amazing, Rey. Thank you.”

She smiles shyly, looking at her feet. The urge to kiss her in this moment is so overwhelming it almost _hurts._ He just… _feels_ so much in this moment. He runs a hand over the page, his eyes roving over it and feeling so _full_ that he can barely stand it. He should just tell her. Right now. Just tell her he loves her. What is the worst that could happen?

“Rey, I—”

“Shit,” she interrupts, glancing at the clock. “I was supposed to be home by now. Plutt wants to have _family dinner.”_ She rolls her eyes. “I’m sure that will be a _blast.”_

Ben nods slowly, losing his nerve. There’s still time. They have plenty of time together before his parents come back. He’ll tell her. He _will._ Maybe.

She sighs as she slides on her boots, stuffing her overalls into them and pulling on her coat. “I’ll call you later?”

“Yeah. If things get bad—”

She nods. “Come back. I know.”

“I’ll leave the window unlocked.”

“You _always_ leave the window unlocked,” Rey laughs. “One of these days someone is going to rob you.”

“Maybe they’ll steal the rat game…”

She gives him an exasperated look, pushing up the window to straddle the ledge. “Oh, Ben?”

“Yeah?”

“I um, I signed your book too. In the back. I hope that’s okay.”

He resists the urge to tear open the book in his hands. “Yeah, of course it is. Thanks again.”

“Thank _you_. For the tickets. Can’t wait to see you in a Spice Girls shirt.”

He huffs out a laugh. “We’ll see.”

She leaves then, closing the window behind her and hurrying across the space to her own window. She climbs inside, shutting it quickly and giving him her customary wave. He waits until she’s out of sight to sit on his bed, cracking open the book to the back cover eagerly. He glances to the blank page across from it to see a quote from the book penned in handwriting he recognizes.

_“You've taught me that we're all needed, even those who sometimes think we're worthless, plain and dull. If we love and allow ourselves to be loved...well, a person who loves is the most precious thing in the world, worth all the fortunes that ever were.”_

_Merry Christmas, Ben!_

_Love,_

_Rey_

Ben stares at what she’s written for several moments, far more interested in _it_ than the signature at the front of the book. He wonders if there is any meaning to this. Is she… is she trying to _tell_ him something? Or is this just an appreciation of their friendship? It makes his head hurt thinking about it— not to mention his heart.

_Just tell her._

He will, he resolves. He totally will. Maybe. No. Definitely. Tomorrow. Yes. He _will_.

He glances at the paused game that’s still displayed on the screen. For now he supposes, he should try to get good at this dumb game she loves so much.

* * *

Ben isn’t sure what time it is when a knock against his window jolts him awake. He sits up in bed just as it slides open, and Rey tumbles inside quickly before closing it once more. He can hear her sniffling, and he rubs at his eyes to try and wake himself further.

“Rey? What’s wrong?”

She shakes her head as she sits on the mattress next to him. “Plutt, he’s— he’s just on a tear. Yelling and screaming. He threw a _vase._ I just had to get out of there. Can I… can I stay here tonight? He’ll calm down by morning, I’m sure of it.”

Ben is scooting over before she’s even done talking, patting his mattress and nodding. “Of course you can. Are you sure you’re okay?”

She nods, but he can tell she’s still very shaken up. She kicks off her boots, shucking out of her coat and crawling in next to him. She’s chilled from the snow outside, and he can feel her shoulders shaking softly as she cries against him. He wraps his arms around her instinctively, allowing her to let out her frustrations without interrupting.

He wishes he could say this is the first time.

He hates Plutt, hates everything about Rey’s situation. He would do _anything_ to make it better, but he can’t. So he does what he _can_ do, and allows her to share his bed and cry in his arms. It’s not enough, but it’s all he has right now.

“I’m sorry for waking you up,” she sniffles against his chest.

“Shh. Don’t be,” he assures her. “Just sleep, Rey. You’re okay now.”

He feels her nod against his shirt, and he continues to hold her close until he finally feels her breathing slow, her chest rising and falling steadily against him, and he knows she’s fallen asleep. He could let her go now… but he doesn’t. He takes advantage of the situation because he is selfish, and keeps her wrapped up tight in his arms.

It’s enough… for now.

* * *

He can feel her staring at him, even before he ever opens his eyes. “Morning,” he mumbles sleepily.

“Good morning.”

He feels her push away a stray lock of hair that has fallen over his face, and when he opens his eyes, she is staring at him intently.

It makes him feel funny inside. “Did you sleep okay?”

She shrugs. “Thanks to you.”

He hopes he isn’t blushing, but he feels his ears heat either way. “I’m really sorry. Sorry that this keeps happening.”

Rey lets out a sigh. “I’ve survived this long. What’s a little longer?”

“I wish I could— I wish I could _do_ something.”

“You _do,_ Ben. Every day. Just by being here.”

He swallows nervously, the moment stretching between them heavily. He could tell her _now…_ it would be the perfect moment, but Ben is scared. That’s what it all boils down to. He is _terrified._ He doesn’t want to lose her, to lose what they have, so he is afraid to take that first step.

He clears his throat, changing the subject like a coward. “I practiced that dumb game last night. I’m probably better than you now.”

She grins. “You played the _dumb rat game_ all night?”

“You know, it’s actually a marsupial.”

Rey’s eyebrows raise. “What?”

“Crash. He’s not a rat. He’s a marsupial. I looked it up last night in Dad’s encyclopedia.”

“You looked it up.”

“Well, yeah,” he starts. “I was curious and you _obviously_ worship the ground this game walks on and I just thought if we’re going to be playing it a lot I might as well—”

Now, see— Ben has never been one that could say he likes surprises. Ben is the type that reads the last page of a book before the beginning. Ben is the type who will sulk all night when thrown a surprise party. _Ben_ is the type who will pester someone for spoilers before _ever_ starting a movie. He has just never been a fan of anything remotely surprising.

That all changes now.

Because when Rey launches herself at him, her lips colliding with his and cutting off his sentence, he decides he _loves_ surprises. He decides surprises might be his absolute favorite thing. He isn’t quite sure how to react, he’s pretty sure the clink he just heard was her teeth against his own, and he is _entirely_ unsure of what to do with his lips or his tongue, but he’ll be _damned_ if this isn’t the single greatest moment of his life.

When she pulls away, she looks almost shocked by what she’s done. Her eyes are wide, and she’s pushing up on her hands to a sitting position as a blush creeps up her neck.

“I’m… I’m _so_ sorry— I didn’t mean to— I know that was probably _completely_ unexpected but— you see, Ben, I—”

He _might_ have just head butted her with the force of how hard he pulled her to him. He hadn’t mean to be so eager, but all he could think about was having her lips against his again.

“Ow,” she laughs.

He grimaces. “I’m sorry. That was awful, I just... _Rey._ Why are you apologizing?”

“I don’t… I don’t know if you… if you even think of me that way, and I—”

He takes her face in his hands, giving her a stern look. “Rey… you’re _all_ I think about. All I’ve _ever_ thought about. Don’t you know that?”

She shakes her head, her eyes wet as if at any moment she’s going to start crying, and he can’t tell if that’s a good or a bad thing. He hopes it’s good.

He pulls her face to his, pressing his lips to hers more gently and just reveling in the way they feel against his. He is still fairly uncertain of what to do here, but Rey doesn’t seem to mind. When she pulls away a fraction of an inch, there is a smile there.

He takes a deep breath. “I love you.”

It falls out of his mouth without warning or pretense and for a second he’s _horrified_ that he could just blurt that out without even _building up to it_ and _Jesus Christ_ she probably thinks he’s a goddamn loser and here he was _finally_ getting to kiss her and now she—

“I love you, too,” she answers.

He’ll say this for those stupid romance movies. It sure _feels_ like the skies part and the earth opens up in that moment. He feels air rush into his lungs as if it’s for the first time. _Nothing_ matters like those four words do when she’s saying them.

“You do?”

“Of course I do, idiot.”

This time when he kisses her, he knows _exactly_ what to do.

Theoretically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God I am so excited to write fumbling virgin smut. My inner succubus is preening.


	3. The Cortex Vortex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Much. Fumbling.

It’s awkward.

They don’t tell you how awkward it is the first time. He worries about morning breath, until he realizes that this seems to bother her just as little as it does him. It’s a lot of minute adjustments and whispered apologies as they both try to find a rhythm. Lips brush against each other, teeth are made aware of, tongues prod tentatively until both realize that _oh—_ that feels good too.

It’s a learning curve, Ben realizes, but he’s always been a quick study.

The first time she makes a sound— just the _tiniest_ of whimpers in the back of her throat— Ben all but loses his mind. _He_ did that. He’s heard Rey make all sorts of sounds over the years, but never _that_ one. He wants to hear her do that again. He wants her to never _stop_ doing that. 

She tugs at his shirt insistently, as if she can’t get enough, as if she wants absolutely no space between them. Ben knows the feeling all too well. His arm is caged around her small form, holding her against his chest and reveling in the way she fits against him. As if she were _made_ to.  

He’s starting to think she was.

When her leg creeps over his, her thigh resting just over his knee in her single-minded mission to eradicate any remaining space between them— it is _Ben’s_ turn to whimper. He feels her smile against his mouth, so apparent with how close it is to his, and she seems to take this as a cue he isn’t aware he’s giving.

She breaks away for only a moment, pushing up on her hands and crawling over him to settle over his hips as she lowers again, and Ben can’t find even one ounce of him that wants to complain. Her chest is flush with his, her fingers in his hair and _oh, he wishes she would tug it just like that again._

He is unsure of what to do with his own hands at first, clenching them at his side, his nails digging into his palms. Then her hips slide against his, and all he can think about is her doing that again and his hands are at her waist before he can even second guess himself. She seems to like this, if the sound she makes is any indication.

Ben could write a book about the sounds she makes. About her soft sighs and her tiny whimpers and when his thumb brushes against the bit of exposed skin between her t-shirt and her sleep pants? When he does this, Rey’s breath catches, so minutely he almost misses it, and Ben could write fucking _poetry_ about that.

Her hips are still moving, her tongue still in his mouth and she is _so warm_ — it is causing problems he is helpless to stop. He knows the moment she feels it, her hips stilling and her mouth ceasing its perusal of his own, and she leans away just slightly to look at him. 

“I’m sorry,” he stammers. “It just— I mean you’re so— I can’t help it.”

Her lips press together as she shakes her head, and he feels the tiniest shift of her against his growing erection, a groan tearing from his throat.

“Don’t apologize,” she urges throatily. “I… you’re not alone. I promise.”

 _Fuck._ The thought of her turned on is not helping his _growing_ situation. He tries to laugh, the sound coming out choked. “Obviously, neither are you.”

They are still for several seconds, both unsure of what to do from here, and it is Rey who breaks the silence first. “Can I… can I see it? 

He might be short-circuiting just a tiny bit. She wants to see it. _It._ He is suddenly thinking about the size, shape, and color of his dick and worrying that she’ll think it looks weird. Again the thought comes unbidden that his might not be the first one she’s seen. What if she’s seen _bigger?_ He thinks he might be starting to sweat. 

He swallows nervously. “You want to see it.” 

She nods slowly. “Or is that… is that weird? We could just… we could just keep kissing.”

 “No, that’s— it’s okay. If you want to.” 

“I do.”

“Um, should I…?”

She shakes her head, scooting down his thighs to brace herself below the now dangerously tented front of his pajama pants. “No, I want to.” 

“Okay,” he thinks he says. He can’t be sure if it was an actual word or some sort of inhuman squeak. There isn’t time to assess. Not with her staring at the pitched fabric as if his cock is a fucking puzzle she wants to solve.

Her fingers reach for the hem of his pants slowly, and the first brush of them against his hip bones makes him jolt. She stills, looking up at him warily, and he only shakes his head, gritting his teeth and quietly telling her he’s fine. She peels them back, taking his boxers along with them and then there is cool air hitting his very _warm_ cock and it’s out there now. Jutting up between them like a damned elephant in the room, and she’s just staring at it intently.

“You’re— you’re really big.”

Those might be his new three favorite words to have ever been uttered in sequence. He might have to tattoo that somewhere. He clenches his lips together. “You’ve… seen one before?”

She shrugs. “Only in a porno I found in Plutt’s shit. Yours is… a lot bigger.”

If she doesn’t stop saying that, he’s going to embarrass himself in an astronomical way. He doesn’t miss the other implications of what she’s said either. “So… you’ve never?”

She shakes her head, still staring at his dick and blushing furiously. “Never.”

“Me either,” he says quietly.

She blows out a breath, seemingly as relieved to hear his admission as he is to hear hers. “I have no idea what I’m doing. Can I… can I touch you?”

He almost laughs. She’s asking _permission._ As if he might not want her to. As if he hasn’t thought about her touching him since he first learned to jerk off. He nods thickly, unable to form the words that are screaming in his head, and she reaches out her hand tentatively. When her fingers graze the length of him, it is like white hot pleasure coursing through his cock and settling deep in his stomach. When she lets her hand encircle him however— he damn near comes apart. In every sense of the word.

He hisses out a breath, his fingers immediately grabbing for her wrist and holding it tight as he shakes slightly. Her eyes are wide, and she clenches her fingers into a fist. “I’m sorry! Did I hurt you?”

He shakes his head abruptly. “No, I— well, I almost— when you touch me I—”

She saves him from himself, realizing where he’s going with this. “Oh.” He shuts his eyes in embarrassment, and he feels her hands at his face then. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s a good thing, right?”

He looks at her then to see she’s smiling, and it eases some of the tension in his chest. She leans in slow to press her lips to his, and it’s everything he could ever want. When she breaks away, he lets out a shaky breath.

 “I think I need to see you too. Just… just to make it even.”

She looks nervous now, but to his eternal disbelief she nods slow in agreement. The only problem is, he isn’t sure how to go about it. He finally decides to switch positions, and he reaches between them to tuck himself back into his pants. When she frowns, he gives her a sheepish look. “It’s for both our sakes, trust me.”

She laughs a little at this, and he moves her from his hips to roll her to her back, hovering over her to cage her in between his arms. Her hair falls around her like a halo, and she’s biting at her thumbnail anxiously as she stares up at him. His eyes flick to her sweatpants she hadn’t bothered to take off when she’d crawled into bed with him last night, and then back to her face in silent question.

 She nods, her thumb still pressed against her lip even as he reaches for the cotton garment that is one of the only things separating him from the end of Ben and Rey, and the beginning of _Ben and Rey._ Something new. Something _life-changing._

He pulls at her sweatpants as if they’re a fragile thing, inching them along her thighs timidly and revealing more of her skin that’s always been just a little warmer in color than his pale complexion. Even now in the dead of winter there is a slight glow to it, and he is afraid it takes him far longer than necessary to rid her of her pants when he is as distracted by her skin as he is.

Her underwear remain— simple cotton of a pale purple that is dotted with polka dots of a darker shade of violet. When she lets her legs fall apart slightly, he doesn’t miss the damp patch at the center, and it makes his stomach twist with need knowing _he_ did that.

He glances at her again when he hooks a finger into the elastic band, barely tugging as he checks _just to be sure_ that she wants this. She is breathless as she nods, her lip now trapped so hard between her teeth it looks almost painful and her stare fixed on what he’s doing. She looks as nervous as he feels, and that calms him a little, to know he isn’t the only one.

“I’m going to…”

She nods. “It’s okay.”

He pulls them away just as slowly as her pants, holding his breath as he works them down her legs. When she’s free of them, he can only stare at what he’s revealed for several moments. Like Rey, Ben has seen porn before. The female anatomy is not lost on him. Also like Rey, it doesn’t keep him from being surprised by the first glimpse of her. She’s… _pretty._ Nothing like anything he’s ever seen.

The neat patch of curls between her legs is the same shade as her hair, and there is a hint of pink that peeks out between the damp lips below. He realizes he’s just staring at her like a creep, and when he meets her gaze she looks almost like she’s waiting for something.

His hand is slow as it reaches for her, and she’s nodding in encouragement, always assuring him that this is okay, that she _wants this._ He runs a knuckle through the slick crease, and her arousal coats him there, only turning him on further. She inhales sharply through her nose when his knuckle brushes against her at the apex, and he repeats the motion just so he can hear it again.  

“Do you… do this? Often?”

She nods.

“Do you ever think about me?”

“Do _you?”_

“All the time,” he replies in a rush.

“Me too.”

 _God,_ that does things to him. “I want to know what you like. Can you show me?”

“Show you?”

“Show me how you do it.”

“Now?” 

He nods. He wants to make her feel good. “Please.”

Her fingers are slow as they trail down the length of her body, hovering just over her pubic bone hesitantly, and he’s nodding absently in hopes she’ll continue. The first swipe of her slim fingers is slow, as if testing. She pushes them lower, dragging them back now slicked as she circles again at the place above. She moves a little bit faster then, and Ben realizes he’s leaning over her closer than before. 

“Is that where your… um, you know. Where your—”

She saves him. “Yes.”

“It feels good?” 

She nods, making steady circles around her— _for God’s sake Ben you’re not twelve—_ her _clit._  

He wants to help her, to be a part of what she’s feeling, but is unsure of how far she wants to go here. He wants whatever she is willing to give, but he doesn’t want to seem pushy either.

“Could I try something?”

Her hand stills as she looks up at him. “What?”

“I want to… I’ve seen… I’d like to try licking you there.” He can see the blush across her cheeks, an instant reddening of her golden skin that surely matches the one he feels burning at his ears. “We don’t have to,” he stammers. “I could use my hands? I just want to try and… well… make you _come_. I want to see if I can.” 

“You don’t have to—”

“I _want_ to,” he urges with more force.

“Okay,” she agrees quietly, pulling her hand from between her legs.

He drops to his elbows, feeling his hands shaking slightly as he pushes her legs a little further apart to settle between them. He hopes she can’t feel the way he’s trembling. Everything is so pink and _wet_ and he lets his cock slide across the mattress to ease some of the tension that’s building.

_Mistake._

His dick is practically Mount Vesuvius at this point, his boxers an unsuspecting Pompeii in danger of being coated in a lot more than they bargained for. He can see the darker nub at the peak of her, slick and tiny and sort of… cute? He doesn’t say this aloud. Even in his head it sounds creepy. It is though. If he’s being honest.

He nudges it lightly with his finger, feeling it give slightly, and Rey squirms as he rolls it around, exploring. She smells good, he realizes. That part is unexpected. Not that he expected her to smell _bad_ or anything, he just… didn’t expect to have such a physical reaction to the way she _does_ smell. It makes him wonder… if she tastes good too. It’s all he can think about.

He uses his fingers to hold her open, letting the tip of his tongue pass over her clit, and he hears her gasp softly above him. He tries flattening it over the entirety of the swollen bud next— applying a little pressure. No gasp this time. Hm. Another flick of his tongue, just a little faster.

_Gasp._

Okay, he can work with this.  

He sets a pace, licking at her clit in alternating rhythms— chasing that soft sound she makes when (or at least he _thinks_ when) he does something right. He is breathing hard when he breaks away, his cock throbbing painfully against the mattress and in danger of betraying his every intention.

“Tell me what more I can do,” he asks hoarsely.

“Can you… I think I just need— I need more pressure maybe?”

He considers this, leaning back in to tongue her a little harder than before. He presses his lips to her, pressing firmly against the tiny bundle as if kissing it, and when he moves to pull away he inadvertently tugs at it softly.

“ _Ah,”_ she cries out. “Do— do that again.”

_Oh._

He wraps his lips around her more purposefully this time, pulling at her clit more intentionally and drawing that same sharp gasp from her. It’s all the cue he needs.

He pretends that the sensitive nub is the tip of her finger, sucking at it as if trying to pull it into his mouth deeper and finally, _finally_ getting the reaction he’s after from Rey. She’s pushing herself further against his face, that alone enough to wreck him, but then her fingers are tugging at his hair and he has to grip his cock to keep from shooting off in his pants.

It’s a useless battle, he can feel that much, but he refuses to stop what he’s doing. He _needs_ this— probably more than she does. He uses his free hand to press at where she’s wettest, easing just the tip of his finger inside her and she is so _tight—_ her body immediately resists when he tries to ease his entire finger inside.

He is suddenly struck with how this would feel around his— what it will be like when he—

_Mistake._

When he feels the muscles inside her begin to contract around his finger— it is far too late for him. He doesn’t even mind really. It’s worth it, because it’s _his_ name on her lips when she comes apart and it’s _all he’s ever wanted to hear_ and _he did this to her._

He wants to give his tongue a gold medal. His dick on the other hand… definitely not cut out for a marathon. He isn’t even sure if it’s qualified for the sprint relay.

He can feel her wet on his mouth when he pushes up on his hands, knows he has to look like a mess, but all he can focus on is that glazed look in her eye. She looks so… _satisfied._  Some version of him deep inside that he assumes should have evolved at some point practically beats its chest.

His breath comes out heavy, and she looks at him dazedly. “That was…” Her next word is very important he finds, and he waits for it with bated breath as she finishes. “ _Amazing.”_  

Amazing. _Amazing._ He’s gaining all sorts of new favorite words today. She bites her lip again then, looking sheepish. “What about you?”

Ah, _there’s_ that embarrassment that had been hiding away beneath his surge of pride. He looks away from her, feeling his face heat. “Um… well. Sort of too late.”

She furrows her brow for only a second before it hits her. “Oh. _Oh.”_

He sighs, still unwilling to move from the place where he’s laying, and she pushes to a sitting position to reach for his jaw with both hands. She leans into him, pulling his mouth to hers. “Don’t be embarrassed. It’s just me. We’ll just… have to make it hard again.”

He feels like the winds been knocked out of him. “You want to… keep going?”

“You don’t want to?”

She looks unsure now, as if she _actually_ thinks there is any possible way he wouldn’t want _more_ with her. He can’t help the bark of a laugh that escapes him, and he presses upwards to pull her against him, forgetting the wet spot at his crotch, and letting his forehead rest against hers. “Rey, you have no _idea_ how much I want to. No idea _._ How much I’ve— how long I have— _no idea_.”

She grins, her arms looping around his neck. “So do I.”

He pulls away. “We’re going to need a… you know.” 

“A condom _?”_  

Why is she so much better at this than he is? He just nods. “There are some in Dad’s nightstand.”

“Is that weird? Using your dad’s condoms?” 

“Don’t think about it. I definitely don’t want to think about my dad right now.”

“Okay,” she laughs.

He kisses her cheek. “I’ll be right back.”

He practically sprints from his room, trying to keep his parents far from his thoughts as he storms into their room and raids his dad’s nightstand. He makes his way back to her as quickly as he can, and she eyes his _hands—_ plural, because for some reason in his rush he’d thought it would be a good idea to grab a handful, and it now takes both hands to carry his bounty— with amused interest. 

“Are we going to need that many?”

“I don’t— I didn’t even think I just—” She _laughs—_ not as if she’s making fun of him but as if he’s her favorite thing. Suddenly he’s okay. “Better safe than sorry, right?” 

“Always the practical one,” she teases. 

He drops his— Jesus, he really can’t refer to it as anything other than a _pile,_ can he? Either way, he takes just one instead, dipping a knee to the bed as he crawls back to her. She’s tugging her shirt low to cover herself, and it’s probably the most adorable thing he’s ever seen. Except it’s somehow hot, too. He hasn’t worked out the logistics of this yet. 

“I think we have to… well, get naked for this part,” he mutters.

 “You first.” 

Okay. He can do this. She’s already seen the _most_ of him, how much harder can this be?

“Same time?” he countered.

She considers, tugging at the hem of her shirt before nodding finally. “Okay, then.” 

He pulls his shirt over his head quickly to even things up, and he likes the way her eyes move over his chest. He’s never been more grateful for that home gym he begged his parents for last Christmas. He reaches for his pants next, hooking his thumbs into the band of them and his underwear and holding as he eyes her t-shirt. 

She nods, inching it up slowly as he pushes down on his own coverings. That’s all it takes to have them both naked in his bed. He has to take a moment to appreciate the fact that _Rey_ is _naked_ in his _bed—_ and it’s no surprise that his cock has already come out of hiding to stand at attention again.

His eyes are glued to her chest— he’s thought about her tits _so much_ and they’re so much better than he’d imagined. He thinks he could cover one with his hand. Fuck, he thinks he might could cover one with his _mouth._  

She mistakes his appreciation for something less so, looking shy. “I know they’re small…”

“They’re perfect.” He can't even manage to keep the whine out of his voice. He _needs_ to touch her. He moves closer, brushing his hand over her hip and easing her backwards until she’s flat against his mattress and he’s hovering over her.  

He lets his eyes flick back down to her breasts. “Can I—?”

She giggles. “You don’t have to ask _every time,_ nerd.”

He narrows his eyes, ducking his head and biting her nipple gently. She squeals, smacking his arm, and when he lets his tongue lave over it instead soothingly— her indignant cry morphs into a soft moan. He finds out very quickly he _can_ cover one entirely with his mouth, and if he was hard before, he is like _steel_ now.

He doesn’t even realize he’s moving his hips until he feels himself sliding against the warm, wet center of her, and he practically growls into her skin as he pushes his length through her folds. He’s suddenly _so grateful_ he’s already come once, knowing he wouldn’t last a second inside her otherwise. The jury is still out even as it is.

He flails out an arm in search of the dropped condom, his fingers closing around it as he scrambles to tear it open. Then he tries to fit the stupid thing over the head of his cock once it’s free, but after snapping himself in the dick twice, he lets out a frustrated grunt, leaning upwards on one hand to get a better look. 

“Stupid fucking thing.”

She laughs. “I could help?”

“That shouldn’t sound so hot.”

She’s grinning as she takes it from him, easing the end of it over the head of his cock and sliding it down his length. It’s probably the hottest thing he’s ever seen. Ever _will_ see.  

He’s _so glad_ he already came once.

“There,” she says proudly. “Done.”

“I guess… this is it?”

She nods. “Yep.”

“And you’re sure you want to do this. With me.”

“Ben, there's literally no one else I would want to do this with.”

“Okay, because we can totally—” 

“ _Ben.”_  

“Right. Yeah.”

“Just kiss me.”

“Okay.” 

Kissing her makes everything easier. He isn’t fixated on everything that’s making him nervous when he’s kissing her. No _am I too heavy_ or _fuck what if it doesn’t fit_ or _what if I get the wrong hole_ or the hundred other ridiculous thoughts that are plaguing him.

There’s just her mouth and her hands and her legs as they wrap around his waist, urging him closer. He tilts his hips, feeling himself catch at her entrance, and he breaks from her mouth to look at her. He wants to remember this part.

The first press inside her is, without a doubt, a holy experience. He notices her clenching her jaw, and he stills.

“Are you okay?”

She nods quickly. “I’m fine, I’m fine. I told you. Big.”

He grins. “Feel free to tell me again.”

She huffs out a choked laugh. “Don’t think our _situation_ doesn’t mean I won’t kick your ass, Ben Solo.” 

He inches inside just a little further, and neither of them are laughing anymore. He’s barely half-inside her and it’s the best thing he’s ever felt. Her eyes are shut, but he’s watching her face. Memorizing the expressions she makes as he pushes deeper. She so _tight—_ impossibly so.

“Rey, you have to relax.”

She grits her teeth. “Let me stick my forearm inside you and see how much _you_ relax.”

“Really? A forearm? Is it really that—”

“ _Ben.”_

“Right. Sorry.” He lowers to kiss her again, pressing his tongue against the seam of her mouth, and she opens to let it sweep inside. She sighs softly into his mouth, and he feels her body begin to lose some of the tension it’s carrying.

He takes that final plunge, seating himself inside her fully, and she tenses just for a moment. Enough that he worries. “Are you okay?”

“You asked me that already.”

“I just want to be sure.” 

“I… I think I’m okay.”

“Okay, don’t move.”

“No, Ben. I really think I’m—“

“Don’t move for _me,”_ he grits through his teeth. She’s so fucking _tight._ There’s no way he’ll last like this. He’s praying that he can make it just a little bit. _Just give me two minutes I’m begging you,_ he silently pleads with his dick. _You can do this._  

“Are _you_ okay?” she wonders.

 He nods. “I’m going— I’m going to move now.”

“Okay.”

And he does. Slow at first, pulling out of her as every part of her insides grip and pull and _plead_ him to stay— until withdrawing becomes a _chore_ and why would he even want to leave come to think of it? Then the friction of her walls against his cock surges through him and _oh, that’s why._

He lingers with just the head inside, pushing back inside just as slow and _fuck_ _that’s just as good as pulling out._ He _can’t_ last like this.

“Rey,” he groans. “You feel— _fuck,_ you feel so _good._ Does it feel good? For you?”

“Yes,” she breathes. 

“Gonna come soon,” he huffs. “I don’t want to, but you feel _so good.”_  

“It’s okay,” she assures him, hands roaming over his shoulders and nails digging into his skin and _God, that feels good too. “_ You can come if you need to.”

“I want you with me.” _Fuck me nothing could ever feel like this. “_ Tell me what to do.” 

“I think,” she gasps sharply. “I think I need you to touch me. _Here.”_  

He feels her hand sliding between them, her fingers grazing against his cock that has just pushed back inside her as it swipes across her clit purposefully. He takes over, pushing her hand aside to let the pads of his fingers press into her clit to rub quick circles. He remembers what she liked with his tongue— and he does his best to replicate that with his hand.

Her mouth falls open when he seems to find the right spot, and he focuses all his energy into drawing every bit of _right there_ and _don’t stop_ from her that he can. He’s found a rhythm now, his body seeming to know what to do purely on instinct as he slides into her a little faster now. He’s barely hanging on, needing to feel her body do around his cock _exactly_ what it did around his finger. Needing it more than _anything._

“I’m close,” she whimpers, and it’s music, poetry, the _holy fucking grail_.

His wrist hurts, there is is fine layer of sweat over his entire body, and his dick is so hard it’s practically _screaming_ at him— but nothing matters but her coming with him.

Nothing matters but _her._

“Yes, _yes,_ right there, right—”

He comes the very second he feels her trembling around him, falling over her and pulling her against him as he allows himself to let go. It is such a _relief_ — almost like his entire body is sighing. Her warmth spasms around him, and he groans into her hair as he fills the condom, his cock making heavy twitches as he empties deep inside.

He doesn’t even realize he’s speaking until after about the third round of _I love you,_ the words falling from him again and again and he can’t seem to stop once he’s started. Her arms wind around his neck, and he feels her lips press against his temple as she whispers them back. It’s perfect. It’s _everything._

He doesn’t necessarily want to pull out of her, but recognizes it isn’t exactly feasible that he could just _live_ inside her like this— although it is tempting. He finally pulls out of her, both of them wincing for very different reasons and Ben falls to his side to pull her against him.

They’re quiet— so very quiet as everything that’s happened settles. Everything that he’s known for ten years is now changed irrevocably. He’s not… upset by any means, but it is jarring.

“Feels like someone threw me into the Cortex Vortex,” Ben muses finally. 

Rey snorts, groaning as she covers her eyes with her hands. “Really?”

“What?” He grins down at her. Okay, maybe some things are still the same.

“I love you, nerd.”

“Is it just because of my forearm-sized—” 

She smacks his chest. “I _will_ kick your ass still.”

He’s still smiling, but he shuts up. He knows she means it. He presses a kiss to her forehead instead, sighing contently. He feels her finger trailing over his chest, her legs tangled with his, and he decides this is the best place he could ever be.

“You know,” she starts. “I doubt Plutt would notice if I… stayed here at night. It’s not like he keeps much tabs on me.”

“We _do_ have like five more days till my parents get back.” 

 _“Ben,”_ she laughs. “We’ve got a lot longer than that. We’ve got… well, forever really.”

“Forever,” he echoes, liking the sound of it.  Forever sounds about right.

“So,” she wonders. “What now?” 

“Hm… we could… do that again.” 

“Really?”

“The only way to get good at something is to practice.” 

She grins against his chest, shaking her head. “Well,” she laughs softly. “You _did_ bring back like thirty condoms.”

 “Yeah,” he hums, his lips curling into a smile as he pulls her just a little tighter. “Yeah, I did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so content right now. *purrs*


	4. Blow Through Your Warp Room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet but I’ll miss these babies!

“Are you ever going to give me a turn?”

Ben smirks. “You’re just mad I’m so much better at it than you now.”

“ _Please,”_ Rey scoffs. “You didn’t even like this game!”

Ben hits the pause button, raising his nose to the air. “Do you smell that?”

Rey looks confused for a moment, wrinkling her nose. “What are you talking about?”

“It smells an _awful_ lot like jealousy in here.”

She punches him on the arm, and he laughs as he rubs the place where she’s struck him. He sets the controller down, slinging an arm around her and pulling her roughly until he topples backwards and she’s slung over his front on the floor.

“You’re going to wrinkle my dress,” she laughs.

“You’re the one who wanted to climb through the window to play a game instead of letting me pick you up at the door.”

“I got bored waiting. Plus, you just bought the sequel _yesterday—_ and you’ve barely given me any play time since.”

“Of course you did,” he laughs, “and I can’t help it I’m blowing through these warp rooms.” She pouts, and Ben lets his hands run over the smooth silk, humming softly. “We could just stay here. I could blow through _your_ warp room instead.”

She grimaces. “That’s terrible.”

He shrugs, letting his lips trail over her jaw. “Just an idea. We could stay.”

“And miss prom?”

“We don’t even like prom. We _do_ like… other things.”

She rolls her eyes. “What have I done to you? You’re a monster.”

He grins, leaning upwards to press his lips to hers. “Yeah, I am.”

“Either way, we’re not missing prom. I already squeezed myself into this dumb dress and I _definitely_ need to show you off in that tux.”

“I feel like a penguin,” Ben grumbles.

“You _look_ like James Bond.”

“Dalton or Brosnan?”

“ _Definitely_ Brosnan.”

He considers this, nodding finally. “I can live with that.”

“It’s very fly.”

He huffs. “All the more reason to _stay here—_ you could take it off.” She giggles, pushing off his chest and rising to a sitting position over his lap. Her dress is bunched around her thighs, and his need to convince her to skip prom altogether surges again. He knows it’s important to her that they experience all of this together though, so he keeps his mouth shut and lets out a sigh. “Fine, fine. Have it your way.”

“Your mom will want to take pictures before we go,” she reminds him.

He rolls his eyes. “Joy.”

“I think she’s more excited about us being together than we are.”

“Speak for yourself.” He pushes up then, moving to sit as he pulls her a little closer. He’s been thinking about his next words for days, ever since it became apparent that the community college was her only option. “I’m going to ask her to let you have my room. While I’m staying in the dorms.”

“What?”

“I don’t want you to have to spend a second in that house more than you have to,” he urges. “I’ll come home every weekend. It’s the perfect solution.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I _want_ to,” he presses. “If we can’t stay on campus together, I at _least_ want to know that you’re safe and happy at night.”

“Ben, it’s really okay.”

“Just _listen,_ Rey _._ This is the best—”

She puts a finger to his lips. “ _Ben._ I promise you it’s okay.”

His brow furrows. “How can you say it’s okay? What happens if he goes off on a tear and I’m not around?”

“It won’t be an issue.”

“Why?”

She huffs out a breath. “It was supposed to be a _surprise.”_

 _“What_ was?”

“I got my letter.”

“What letter?”

“To UNCC.”

He feels a swelling sense of elation in his chest, like a flood of relief coursing through him and eradicating all the stress he’s been carrying over this. It’s all he’s thought about for weeks— worrying that she would be here at night all alone where he couldn’t protect her.

“ _When?”_

“Last week.”

“And you didn’t tell me because…?”

“I was waiting to make sure my student loan applications would come through. I wanted to be sure that it was a sure thing.”

“Is it?”

She nods, her eyes crinkling at the corners as she beams back at him. He pulls her close, wrapping her arms around her and burrowing his face in her hair. “That’s fucking _amazing.”_

“I haven’t even told you the best part.”

He cocks his head. “What?”

“I… might have put in a special request.”

“What did you do?”

“Well… the dorm across from yours wasn’t taken yet.”

His lips curl upwards. “Is that right.”

She nods. “Yep.”

“Still trying to sneak into my room at night?”

“Mm, always.”

“I can probably live with that.”

“As if you aren’t thrilled.”

“Okay,” he laughs. “I’m ecstatic.”

“Damn right you are.”

“I mean, I’ve spent ten years just across the way from you… what’s four more?”

“As opposed to…?”

“When we live together of course.”

She beams, and he pulls her in close to kiss her. He never gets tired of it— the way she fits against him. The way her body relaxes and she melts into him, her lips moving over his as if it’s all she thinks about, as if it’s the only thing she wants to do. He knows the feeling all too well.

“I love you,” she murmurs against his mouth.

He never gets tired of hearing that either— he doesn’t think he ever will. “I love you, too.”

She pats her hands gently against his chest, pushing off of him. “Now come on, let’s get picture time over with so I can get you on a dance floor.”

“You’ve seen me dance,” he grumbles as he stands from the floor. “I don’t know why you’re so eager to see it again.”

“I love you _and_ your two left feet.”

Okay, maybe dancing isn’t _so_ bad. He casts a look of longing towards his bed. “You’re _sure_ you don’t want to stay? We could—”

“ _Ben.”_

“ _Fine_ ,” he sighs. “Can’t blame me for trying.”

She winks at him. “Maybe later. If you’re good.”

He grins, wrapping his hands around her waist and pulling her against him. “I’ll leave the window unlocked.”

 _“_ You _always_ leave the window unlocked.”

“You’re right.” He lets his expression turn serious, nodding his head. “I need to be more careful. Someone broke in once and stole my virginity.”

She bursts out laughing, smacking his arm. “Are you complaining?”

He leans in, letting his mouth hovers over hers and shaking his head as he chuckles softly. “Not even a little bit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was so much fun to write and I’m so grateful to everyone who indulged my virgin nonsense. I put all my love into it because the person I’ve gifted it to deserves every bit of the love I have for her. ❤️  
> Happy Valentine’s Day!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Come say hi on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/kylotrashforever)!  
> I made a [Twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/KTF_Reylo), come follow me!


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